Funny stuff 3
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The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she
was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the
display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears
covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way
along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his sensitive side. but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and
make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more
heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying
there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well,how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'
GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa,
half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful
with fertile soil.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America,
well developed and open to trade, especially for
someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India,
very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France,
gently aging but still warm and a desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia,
lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia,
very wide and borders are now unpatrolled.
After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the
wisdom of the ages....only those with an adventurous
spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
GEOGRAPHY OF MEN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iraq- ruled by a dick.
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa,
half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful
with fertile soil.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America,
well developed and open to trade, especially for
someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India,
very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France,
gently aging but still warm and a desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia,
lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia,
very wide and borders are now unpatrolled.
After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the
wisdom of the ages....only those with an adventurous
spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
GEOGRAPHY OF MEN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iraq- ruled by a dick.
If your ever in Australia...
The rural Australian thesaurus of computer terminology...
Log on-Make the barbeque hotter
Log off- The barbeque is too hot.
Monitor- Keep an eye on the barbeque
Download- Get the firewood off the ute.
Hard Drive- Trip back home without any cold tinnies.
Floppy Disc- What you get lifting too much firewood at once.
Keyboard- Where you hang the bike and ute keys
Window- What you shut when it's cold.
Screen- What you shut in the mosquito season.
Byte- What mosquito's do.
Megabyte- What Townsville mosquito's do.
Chip- A bar snack
Micro Chip- What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips.
Modem- What you did to the lawns.
Dot Matrix- Old Dan Matrix's wife.
Laptop- Where the cat sleeps.
Software- Plastic knives and forks from big rooster.
Hardware- Real stainless steel forks and knives form Kmart.
Mouse- What eats the grain in the shed.
Mainframe- What holds the shed up.
Web- hat spiders make.
Web Site- The shed or under the veranda.
Cursor- The old bloke that swears a lot.
Search Engine- What you do when the ute won't go.
Yahoo- What you say when the ute does go.
Upgrade- A steep hill.
Server- The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
User- The neighbour that keeps on borrowing things.
Network- When you have to repair your fishing net.
Internet- Complicated fish net repair method.
Netscape- When fish manoeurves out of reach of net.
Online- When you get the laundry hung out.
Offline- When the pegs don't hold the washing up.
The rural Australian thesaurus of computer terminology...
Log on-Make the barbeque hotter
Log off- The barbeque is too hot.
Monitor- Keep an eye on the barbeque
Download- Get the firewood off the ute.
Hard Drive- Trip back home without any cold tinnies.
Floppy Disc- What you get lifting too much firewood at once.
Keyboard- Where you hang the bike and ute keys
Window- What you shut when it's cold.
Screen- What you shut in the mosquito season.
Byte- What mosquito's do.
Megabyte- What Townsville mosquito's do.
Chip- A bar snack
Micro Chip- What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips.
Modem- What you did to the lawns.
Dot Matrix- Old Dan Matrix's wife.
Laptop- Where the cat sleeps.
Software- Plastic knives and forks from big rooster.
Hardware- Real stainless steel forks and knives form Kmart.
Mouse- What eats the grain in the shed.
Mainframe- What holds the shed up.
Web- hat spiders make.
Web Site- The shed or under the veranda.
Cursor- The old bloke that swears a lot.
Search Engine- What you do when the ute won't go.
Yahoo- What you say when the ute does go.
Upgrade- A steep hill.
Server- The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
User- The neighbour that keeps on borrowing things.
Network- When you have to repair your fishing net.
Internet- Complicated fish net repair method.
Netscape- When fish manoeurves out of reach of net.
Online- When you get the laundry hung out.
Offline- When the pegs don't hold the washing up.
Deer Sir,
I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well.
I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to
pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. .
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.
Employer's response:......
Dear Peggy May,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check
I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well.
I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to
pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. .
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.
Employer's response:......
Dear Peggy May,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check
